Life has many challenging stages we must navigate. Growing from teenager to adult is a difficult experience for many. You want your teen to become a responsible, thinking and independent person. Most envision a young adult that can manage his/her own affairs and contribute to the care of family, friends and community.
For many this is a painful transition as the teen moves from being dependent on the parent(s) or guardian(s) for survival, well-being and guidance. And there are teens who don’t have parents or guardians to serve this role. Teens must consider the options available for adulthood and moving out on their own, which is a significant part of that journey.
Most parents want to see their teen travel on a smooth path into adulthood. Most teens want to become independent and successful adults. However, many teens have difficulty making this change from dependent teen to independent adult.
For the average teen the typical options for becoming an adult and living independently include:
- Getting an entry level job
- Going to College
- Attending a Certification Program
- Joining the Military
- Starting a business
- Some combination of the above
At a minimum you want your teen as an adult to find a job or career to earn an income, which is a financial necessity. However, many parents want their teen to find a career or endeavor that is interesting, even inspiring, and gives the young person a sense of purpose. You want your teen to become a functioning member of the community in which he/she lives and works. Who knows, maybe your teen, or one you mentor, might solve a problem facing our society.
There are other life and social skills that your teen needs in order to become and maintain independence, such as:
- Managing their finances
- Finding a place to live
- Taking care of their own physical, mental, and emotional health
- Building positive relationships and associations
- Managing problems and setback
Most of these issues we all have to manage our entire lives as life circumstances change. Humans are creatures of habit. Good habits can promote independence and bad habits can undermine it.
Independence is like everything else in life, you can gain something but you will lose it if you don’t work to maintain it.
The challenge is in the details. Every family and its members is unique, although this concern over the need to create an independent situation for oneself is universal. So how can you help a teen whether your child or someone you care about?
If a teen does not have an idea for his/her next move after high school graduation, then you need to talk to your teen about the options available to becoming an independent adult. If your teen dropped out of high school, then he/she must consider taking the General Educational Development (GED) exam to obtain a high school equivalency credential. That would put him/her in a position to take advantage of some of the options I listed earlier.
Many parents have plans for their teen’s future. If your teen is amenable to your plans and cooperating with you, then you have gotten over one hurdle. But if your teen is resistant to your plans or you are waiting for your teen to make some decisions, then one question is, “How can you assist them in making some decisions about their next steps towards adulthood?”
Within my circle of family and friends I have personally witnessed a number of teenagers and young adults get kicked out of the house by their parents. This is a painful situation to witness and it is traumatic for the both parent and teen. We can say that is an example of an unsuccessful transition, at least initially.
One thing I have observed is that parents with the greatest intentions have limitations, whether it is time, money, knowledge, or skills. Many households only have one parent and given the other limitations, trying to give your teen(s) some direction while trying to maintain or upgrade your own living situation can be overwhelming. However, the choices for a teen are basically the options I discussed early. Teens have to know their options and then be provided the means to pursue a path.
What do you think are some of the major reasons a teen is unable to successfully become an independent adult? How do you think teens can overcome these obstacles?
Monty
www.stewartpublishing.com
